remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
