You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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