My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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