let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
