tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize