the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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