The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
