I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
