wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
