You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
