I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
