And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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