it wasn't lemon gatorade
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
