I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
