Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
