rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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