i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
