you traded sex for a burrito?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize