ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Randomize
