Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
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