I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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