don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
