don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
