i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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