so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize