Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
