I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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