and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
