I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
