so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
