oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dick very happy bro
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
