You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
