my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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