eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
