Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
