we're blogging at a bar
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
