I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize