I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He passed out mid-signature
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
