@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
