I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
