mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
