and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
