a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
