i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
God, I missed his penis.
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