we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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