Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
