So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
