dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
