So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
