What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
