So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
