3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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