So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
