just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
