watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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