Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize