my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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