you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
