I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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