Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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