"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
