If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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