he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
