I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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