I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
