well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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