Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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