I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
