My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
