I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
