I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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