You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
