He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize