the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize