coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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