Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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