I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I AM VODKA MAN
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
