Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All the doctor said was why
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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