He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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