I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't put those talents on a resume
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
