Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
