Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
