Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I puked a lego.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
