I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
nutella sex= disaster
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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