U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
