those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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