NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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