when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
