You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And then he peed in my hair
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