Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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