we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
