So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
