Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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