Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize