If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
