omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
