State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
