chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
