Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
