Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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