I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
