the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize