i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
