i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
