i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
