So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
