both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize