Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
