Me. At least after what I've been through.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
