Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
