It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize