3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pappa wants mamma naked
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
